Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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