What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
