This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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