I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
