it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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