In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
