Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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