So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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