I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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