Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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