I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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