Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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