can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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