goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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