I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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