I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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