Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
