Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I will die if light touches me.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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