if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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