I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
