does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
