If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
