You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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