people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
