Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
