dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
