I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
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