My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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