We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
