you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Sorry about my life...
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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