You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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