Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
