Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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