Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
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