Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
