Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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