Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
