So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
"it" just moved
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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