i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
