Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize