Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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