Girls should come with a carfax report
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
