Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
