I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
