Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
