it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
