whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Soap is not a condiment
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
