he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
