i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
