so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
