if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize