i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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