I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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