i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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