Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I intend to get homeless drunk
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
