I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
