i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You took a bar mat shot.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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