I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
