Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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