Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
