she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
