Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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