I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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