Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
