I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
