I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
