Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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