Soap is not a condiment
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
