I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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