I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
