Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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