i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
